"Hanging Fire" - Audre Lorde

Audre Lorde (1934-1992) was an American writer of Caribbean descent, a feminist, and a civil rights activist who was most prolific in the 1960's. She always considered herself to be the outsider, often holding conflicting viewpoints.

Hanging Fire

I am fourteen

and my skin has betrayed me

the boy I cannot live without

still sucks his thumb

in secret

how come my knees are

always so ashy

what if I die

before morning

and momma's in the bedroom

with the door closed.

I have to learn how to dance

in time for the next party

my room is too small for me

suppose I die before graduation

they will sing sad melodies

but finally

tell the truth about me

There is nothing I want to do

and too much

that has to be done

and momma's in the bedroom

with the door closed

Nobody even stops to think

about my side of it

I should have been on Math Team

my marks were better than his

why do I have to be 

the one

wearing braces

I have nothing to wear tomorrow

will I live long enough

to grow up

and momma's in the bedroom

with the door closed.

The speaker of the poem is a fourteen-year-old adolescent girl, trying to make sense of the world and of her problems. She speaks in a panicked, racing manner, demonstrated by the sporadically varying line lengths as she quickly jumps from one thought to another. The lack of any punctuation marks encourages the reader to read through the poem as quickly as the ideas race through the mind of the speaker. All her problems and fears melt together but are individually important and serious to her. She has the usual teenage problems: an immature boyfriend, a small bedroom, the awkwardness of braces, that she has nothing to wear, and learning to dance for the upcoming party. However, she also has other, more troublesome problems some of which she repeats throughout the poem. Her black skin sets her apart and closes doors for her. The inequality of the male dominated world hinders her. Even though she got better grades, a boy was still allowed on the math team instead of her. Her biggest problem, however, is death. The juxtaposition of death with her other problems makes them seem all the more serious. Maybe someone close to her had died recently, and she worries that maybe she will die soon and not grow up. Also, she is worried because there is a secret about her that will be revealed at the time of her demise. She feels like an outsider and alone with no one to confide in because “momma's in the bedroom with the door closed” She’s alone because her mom’s not available for her, even though she still looks to her for self-assurance. She has still not become independent. We get the sense that there is no happiness in her life – the dance is just a chore, and she has nothing to look forward to.